I wish I only lived at night.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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