Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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