You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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