so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
