This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
