Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
