my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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