maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
