why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
