So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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