That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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