If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
