Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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