We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
