pop tarts are not kleenex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
