dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
