i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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