the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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