so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
