at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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