I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
