You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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