So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
