she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
