i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
