Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
40s are totally the cure
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
