I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
