I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
