do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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