Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
