Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
