If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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