All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
