My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
