My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
