Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
