they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
