She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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