Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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