I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
