My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I did not marry a roomba.
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