umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
