Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
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I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize