I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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