You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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