those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
