im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
bring money and cleavage
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
