you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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