I CAN MOONWALK!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
