Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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