oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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