I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
