Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
