I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
