he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize