i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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