first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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