My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
