woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
