dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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